


Sober

by TwilightGalaxies



Series: Resident Evil: The Valentine Chronicles [5]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Breaking Up & Making Up, Claire Redfield is sad, Claire misses Jill, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Implied Sexual Content, LGBTQ Themes, Loss, Minor Violence, No Smut, Post Resident Evil 4, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Romance, Self-Loathing, Set during Revelations and after, Spoilers for Revelations game, Suggestive Themes, Temporary Character Death, Undressing, implied depression, jackednotstacked, pre-Resident Evil 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25012717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightGalaxies/pseuds/TwilightGalaxies
Summary: I hope to not confuse anyone with the event jumping but the first and second chapter are set during the events of Revelations with Claire not being too far from the events of Harvardville. To give a clearer picture this is in 2005, after the events of Resident Evil 4.As far as a timeline for the Valentine Chronicles these events happen before the four prior stories which are set around and after Resident Evil 5 and Revelations 2.This is a rather dark look into Claire's issue with alcoholism and a story showing that Claire and her partner Jill have PTSD. Jill and Claire are in an established relationship in this story as well.However not all hope is lost for we know that eventually they get married and Claire actually gets help. :) I hope to not make you too sad but I felt this was important to go into.
Relationships: Claire Redfield/Jill Valentine
Series: Resident Evil: The Valentine Chronicles [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728292
Comments: 18
Kudos: 30





	1. Coping Mechanism

**Author's Note:**

> I hope to not confuse anyone with the event jumping but the first and second chapter are set during the events of Revelations with Claire not being too far from the events of Harvardville. To give a clearer picture this is in 2005, after the events of Resident Evil 4. 
> 
> As far as a timeline for the Valentine Chronicles these events happen before the four prior stories which are set around and after Resident Evil 5 and Revelations 2. 
> 
> This is a rather dark look into Claire's issue with alcoholism and a story showing that Claire and her partner Jill have PTSD. Jill and Claire are in an established relationship in this story as well. 
> 
> However not all hope is lost for we know that eventually they get married and Claire actually gets help. :) I hope to not make you too sad but I felt this was important to go into.

“How are you holding up?” She asks as she poured the brown liquid into the glass in front of her. Her eyes followed the descent of the liquid in a downward motion before the brief thump of the bottle being set onto the table followed. 

“Better. Adam has been incredibly generous to me.” Leon said and Claire managed a small smile, her lips curling upward as the glass was pressed against her lips in a quick sip. 

“Well you did save his daughter that might earn you some favor.” Claire laughed out taking another drink as she shifted around on the couch she was sitting on. The brown cushion sunk with the weight of her back as she laid her head back into it, her loose red strands splaying out before she moved forward again to listen to the speaker of the phone.

“Just maybe. How are you? I haven’t heard any chatter from the B.S.A.A. So have you heard anything?” Claire heard Leon ask and her hand slipped from the glass when she had reached to grab it. Correcting her grab she lifted it back to her mouth before she replied to her friend. 

“You know It’s been radio silent, but I trust them. If they’re silent, it’s for a reason.” Claire said sucking in a breath.

“I know, just a little unnerving. I can only imagine how it must make you feel.” Leon said with sympathy as he turned from his desk to stare out his apartment window far away in Washington D.C. 

“Don’t worry about it. How is Sherry, have you seen her recently?” Claire went on to say biting her lip at the sharpness of her tone. Hearing silence for a moment she felt guilt brew in her chest. 

“I promise I’m fine and I will let you know when I hear from them.” She said finishing the drink as the bottle came back into view. She stared at the whiskey bottle for a moment and into her own messy reflection before Claire closed her eyes. 

“Alright, I just want you to say if you need me to fly in—” 

“No, it’s okay you don’t need to do that Leon but thank you.” Claire said hiccuping as her hand moved to her mouth. Leon huffed quietly but chose to say nothing as they continued their long distance call. 

“Well to answer your question no, I haven’t seen Sherry in a bit. Got an email that says she misses you.” Leon relayed and Claire giggled briefly. 

“She’s good at getting what she wants. At least as much as Simmons allows.” Claire grumbled out setting the glass down before she stood taking the bottle along with her as she walked from the couch towards the apartment’s kitchen. 

“You know we can’t change her living arrangements as much as we want too.” Leon commented in a sad whisper and Claire tightened her grip on her phone. 

“I know Leon.” Claire said with a bit of an edge to her tone while she searched through the fridge, the sounds of clinking bottles and the scratching of aluminum foil as Claire moved items around. 

A tense silence followed and Claire chose not to care too much when she popped the cap off a new bottle. 

“Claire hey—” Leon cut in and Claire exhaled a breath after she took a large gulp of the beer. The burn of the alcohol rolled down her throat causing Claire to cringe momentarily. 

“How much do you have left?” He asked and Claire shut the fridge keeping a firm hold on the brown bottle with the blue label as she turned to face the window of her apartment. 

“Plenty.” Claire snorted out blinking for a moment as she walked past the cans in the trashcan to the dining room table which had been pushed to the wall. 

“Are you alone?” Leon questioned next and Claire took a drink from the bottle which tasted somewhat better the next sip. 

“Of course I’m alone, Jill’s not here. What’s with the game of twenty questions?” Claire asked with a short laugh setting the bottle onto the glass table. 

“Just curious. Can't have you drinking me under the table now.” Leon said and Claire laughed out her belly welling up with warmth as the evening went on. 

“It's my day off. When did you start worrying about me instead of me worrying about you?” Claire questioned, finishing the beer after a long swig and her vision and focus diminished within minutes. 

Tears suddenly brimmed at the corner of her eyes and Claire worked to blink them away. 

“I’ve been worried about you since Raccoon City.” Leon commented and Claire sighed softly as a vision of the city being destroyed appeared in her mind. She hadn't looked when the bomb had dropped but the feeling of losing control within the helicopter almost felt like it was happening right at this moment as her stomach churned uncomfortably.

“Ah sorry, I shouldn’t talk about it out of the blue like that.” She heard Leon apologize and Claire moved to set her elbow onto the table. 

“It’s fine, that’s what therapists are for.” Claire joked, wiping at her face as sweat dripped down her face. Shifting from the table she moved towards the window shakily and she nearly tripped into the wall before she caught herself. 

Opening the window she was greeted with cool air and the city down below before she refocused on the phone. 

“I’m going to let you go Leon, I know it's early morning for you now.” She said about too hang up before Leon spoke.

"Claire— wait—" 

“Yes?” Claire replied back with a sigh. 

“Are you certain you’re fine?” Leon asked and to Claire it felt as if there was lead in her stomach. 

“W-Why wouldn’t I be?” Claire asked after too many quiet seconds. 

Leon looked away from his window and from the rising horizon to his computer screen. 

“Well have you spoken to your therapist recently?” Leon asked and Claire bit her lip as she leaned her forehead to the window sill. The moonlight filtered in through the window and illuminated her tired and pale features as she closed her eyes, smeared makeup already dripping down her cheeks. 

Suddenly Claire set her hand on the side of the window and she swayed briefly as she kept her eyes trained forward into the darkness, her freed hair wiping gently in brushes against her face. Vision blurring once more she did not hold back in allowing a few tears to surface. 

“No.” She said after a solid second and Leon was quiet in reply before he spoke again. 

“Maybe you should go see her again. It can get difficult shouldering it all. I should know.” 

Claire laughed softly as tears dripped down her face, and her vision blurred with the tears she was trying to quietly shed. 

“I’ll consider it. You happy?” She asked in a whisper a burn welling through her chest and throat that caused her to move from the breeze of the window.

“Yes and maybe you could—” Leon said but the rest of his sentence was muffled when Claire dropped the phone onto the kitchen table.

Claire much doubted the conversation with Leon had upset her but even her oldest friend’s voice could not keep the demons at bay. The demons that clawed into her head and fed upon her fears when Jill was away. It had been weeks since both Jill and her brother had departed for a mission and initially work at Terrasave had kept Claire preoccupied with cases. Cases of which had seemed to increase tenfold after the Panic of Terragrigia a year prior. 

Visions of children saved flashed in her mind as well as one child that had to have been no more than a few months old. Shaking her head Claire sighed when she realized she was letting her work get to her. Stopping next to the phone, her gaze dropped to it and she ended the call with Leon before she tried to send him an apology message. The redhead’s vision was a little too blurry and the message was awkward and obviously drunk but Claire chose not to think too much about it as her mind wandered. 

Anger burned much like the anger she often felt when she thought about Sherry Birkin, the young girl she had helped save in Raccoon City but what kind of life did she end up leading because of her? Sherry had just become a test subject for the government and she wasn’t allowed to spend time like any other child and even worse there were more children being put in these positions because of bio terrorism. 

Exhaling a breath Claire pushed off of the window trying to distract her mind from how loud the quiet apartment was. Echoes of the city in the background acted as a slight buffer but the emptiness of the apartment was evident with every room Claire glanced into. There were many signs of Jill and of how much she lived there but they were small comforts when she was in this state. 

Moving back to the couch Claire licked her lips as she took in the startling amount of bottles that were on her coffee table. Somehow she remembers there being much less than there were. 

Raking her fingers through her hair Claire bit back a sob that had risen from deep within her chest. When she had initially called Leon it had been a way to check on him since he had been distant ever since Spain, but now Claire was wondering if she just needed to hear a friendly voice. Coworkers were cooperative and friendly but they were not exactly friends. Claire found she was fine with being alone, but she was not okay with the silence which allowed the thought of those she loved being hurt to fall into her mind. Images of Jill being killed by a B.O.W. could be common as was the lingering fear that one day Jill would not come back to her. 

Pushing her hands to her head Claire felt warm hot tears roll down her face as her thoughts muddled and the alcohol began to settle in. Thoughts became scattered and her movements sluggish as she dragged herself around. Giggling slightly at the absurdity of it all Claire was too slow to react when she ran into her mirror managing to bust it into a hundred pieces when she knocked it off the wall. 

“Fuck.” Claire swore out backing up. Seeming to have enough sense to keep moving away Claire yelped in surprise when she fell backwards into the floor after she had tripped on an overturned chair and she groaned when she impacted the floor.

“D-Drank more than I tho-ught” Claire mumbled out wanting to lift up from the floor only to find the strength to lift herself up was avoiding her. Her head began to pound painfully and she groaned again.

“Sh—it.” Claire mumbled out not exactly caring too much as her unfocused dark blue eyes stared up at her own apartment’s ceiling. 

At this moment of pure lunacy tears cascaded down Claire’s face and she curled into a ball unaware of the depressing effect on her mind until everything seemed too foggy and the stinging began to register much less when she blacked out of consciousness. 

Sipping on a cup of coffee, Jill hurried towards the doors of Terrasave’s headquarters in New York. A few glimpsed at the B.S.A.A. patch on her arm but most were busying themselves with their work. 

Finishing the cup Jill tossed it to a trashcan nearby before she tucked down her sunglasses when she arrived at the receptionist’s desk. 

“Hello Miss Valentine, it’s nice to see you again.” The receptionist named Megan called out with a kind smile present on her face. 

Jill offered a small smile return before she spoke. 

“Nice to see you too Megan. I came to see—” 

“I know you came to see Claire but she did not come into work today.” Megan said looking at her computer and typing something as the white screen illuminated her pale features, her red hair curled and her green eyes looking up when she saw Jill’s frown. 

Looking at the black watch on her wrist Jill raised a confused brow. 

“She always comes in at seven, I wanted to surprise her.” Jill remarked letting out a tired yawn as Megan typed something else on the computer. 

“She did not clock in Miss Valentine, would you like me to—” 

“No, don’t trouble yourself, have a nice day.” Jill said with a smile and a wave before she turned and walked towards the entrance. Upon turning so quickly Jill nearly ran into a brunette woman with glasses but she managed to dodge her. 

“My apologies miss.” The woman said hugging her folder to her chest upon seeing Jill with her brown eyes wide and startled. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Jill laughed out before she made her way out of the building not caring if she came off as rude. Most could tell she was a woman on a mission as she pressed forward towards her car, her arms tensing when people brushed past her. 

“Fucking lunch hour, brilliant.” Jill remarked with an annoyed grunt as she continued on to the blue car parked next to a meter. Sliding in she removed her glasses and she sighed rubbing at her eyes in her attempts to stay fully awake.

Pressing her head back into the seat cushion, Jill closed her eyes for a moment and she trembled. 

Not too long ago the B.S.A.A. had discovered the truth of the FBC and their director O’ Brian, so the wounds of the mission’s revelations haunted her in the back of her mind. However, what Jill wanted most in the world right now was to go home and see her girlfriend after nearly a month of being away for debriefing and the consideration of a new B.S.A.A. director. The whole time despite the need for therapy after numerous encounters with bio weapons Jill had missed and worried about Claire dearly. 

Moving to grab the wheel, Jill tightened her grip as she pulled out and headed towards her apartment only for the traffic to build up but Jill would be damned if traffic was going to stop her. 

Hours later Jill parked her car into the apartment complex and she shut off the engine. It was nearly 2 at this point so more coffee seemed unlikely but Jill managed to slide out of her car trying to push away the annoyance of her jet leg as she walked to a familiar blue door. 

Putting in the keys Jill let in a breath and she dropped her bag and backpack onto the floor before she blinked rapidly taking in the disarray of the apartment. 

Shutting the door behind her quietly, Jill removed her hair from it’s ponytail and her hair draped across her shoulders as she looked around. 

Bottles were present on the coffee table and a few containers of Asian food were on the table which looked to be Claire’s unfinished lunch. 

“Claire?” Jill questioned wringing her wrist nervously since she had expected Claire to greet her at the door. 

Brushing past the couch Jill’s eyes widened when she saw her girlfriend laying on the floor beside it and to her surprise there was a broken bottle next to her. 

“Claire!” She said with urgency moving to lift Claire up from her uncomfortable position and she felt her body tense with alarm when she saw pieces of the bottle had stuck into Claire’s hand. 

“Huh-what?” Claire called out, seeming confused and drowsy as she struggled to blink her fuzzy blue eyes open. Locking gazes with Jill her expression shifted from one of confusion to one of excitement that was dulled by a likely hangover. 

“Claire, what happened?” Jill asked in a gentle tone helping Claire up before she moved to show Claire’s hand to her. 

“Jill, I really misshed you.” Claire called out with tears appearing in her eyes as she moved to hug Jill. Wrapping her arms around Claire, Jill tried to hide her distress as the scent of alcohol pervaded over her, nearly drowning out how good Claire usually smelled. 

“Baby, we need to treat your hand and you’re hungover.” Jill whispered out moving to touch Claire’s face in an attempt to focus her. She watched as Claire blinked while tears slipped from her face and pain grew in her chest when she realized that she had no idea how long Claire had been in this state. 

Pulling Claire by her arm she took her to the bathroom and Jill rifled through the cabinet for the first aid kit while Claire with an obvious headache moved to sit down on the floor as she put her uninjured hand to her face. 

“I’m sorry you’re seeing me like this. I don’t know-I don’t know what you just came out of. You were gone a long damn time—“ Claire remarked with obvious remorse as she looked and sounded more sober than before. 

Pulling out a red kit, Jill said nothing for a moment as she moved to sit in front of her girlfriend. Taking Claire’s hand she touched it with calloused hands that Claire had missed feeling. 

Wincing slightly as Jill worked to pick out pieces of the glass, Claire felt her guilt brew again as if she knew she was disappointing Jill. 

“I care about you Claire, you’re my partner. You know that so you don’t need to apologise.” Jill said with her focused blue eyes still trained to Claire’s hand which she was now dabbing with disinfectant. 

“Sorry honey.” Jill said when Claire hissed aloud. 

Continuing to watch Claire dropped her head into the bathroom tile enjoying the feeling of the cold against her hot skin. 

“Y-You’re not going to talk about it?” Claire asked after a seconds of silence which had lapsed uncomfortably between them. Jill was treating her hand now like she had treated Claire’s arm for her in Raccoon City. Images of the police station flashed in her mind before Claire silenced them by closing her eyes. 

Gaze moving back up to Claire, Jill sighed softly before she moved her face to hers and she kissed her on the forehead. 

“I’m not mad at you but it’s distressing to come home to you like this.” Jill replied as Claire looked to her hand which was her hand that also had a subtle bite mark upon it. 

“You and me both.” Claire chuckled out before she frowned, realizing Jill probably would not appreciate a joke in this moment. She looked to Jill and shifted closer to her as she wrapped her arms around the woman she loved. 

Sighing she pressed her face into Jill’s collarbone and she traced the small scars on her neck before she lifted up coming face to face to her. 

“I probably smell fucking horrible, mind if I—“ Claire said, her face reddening with her loss of dignity for a moment when Jill smiled seeming to alley these worries.

"Not if you don’t mind me joining.” Jill laughed out shaking her head when Claire blushed like she always did when it came to suggestive comments.

“This isn’t the beer talking when I say I’ve ached for you.” Claire whispered running hand through Jill’s dark hair when Jill pulled her into another embrace. 

“But then we have a discussion about it all. No holding back, fair?” Jill breathed out as she moved to unzip her uniform and she revealed her tanned shoulders. 

Eyes unfocusing for another reason Claire relented with a nod. 

“Fair and thank you.” Claire said her gaze dropping down again as Jill continued to get undressed. Hearing a soft hum Claire looked up to Jill who lifted her up and she kissed her on the lips causing Claire to grunt softly when she was pushed back into the shower behind her. 

“Sorry I—I really missed you but wait Claire—” Jill whispered, stopping her affection to catch her girlfriend’s stare. 

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea.” Jill said after a heartbeat and Claire bit her lip with sadness as Jill’s hand moved down her open shirt to down her arms. 

“What’s not a good idea?” Claire questioned with obvious worry which Jill quietly moved to shush with her lips. 

“It feels like I am taking advantage, I just picked you up from the floor.” She explained after the next kiss as Claire leaned her head into Jill’s shoulder. Offering Claire a small smile Jill helped Claire to take off her shirt before she moved to slip her uniform back on. 

“I get that, we’ll talk and work things out first.” Claire said as she moved to turn on the faucet and she stilled momentarily when Jill enveloped her into a hug from behind. 

“I love you. Always.” She whispered into Claire’s neck and she sighed softly when she could not help but lean back into Jill’s comforting embrace, for the first time in a long moment feeling warm and not so hollow, and yet she knew even then it was not enough. 

“I love you too. I’m trying—really trying.” Claire whimpered out trying to shove away the despair and panic that had brought her to her next several bottles on this day to begin with. Claire had a job to do but the pressure had just been awful on this day but she did find she deeply regretted Jill returning to her with herself the mess that she was. Heart burning with longing and guilt, Claire tried to stifle it down when Jill spoke again, her lips ghosting her neck in gentle and sympathetic kisses. 

“Someday it will click and we’ll all find a way to make it easier. Until then we just can’t give up. I am not giving up on you, you’re not giving up, are you?” She heard her girlfriend empathize and question as strong arms wrapped around her stomach, the heat of Jill’s arms helping to push away some of the coldness of her bare skin. Here Claire was in the arms of the woman she wanted to do anything for and yet she was beyond worried that she would fail her and make her unhappy with a plaguing mind similar to her own. They had their destructive ways but as Claire continued to stare into the tile as it was hit with the spray of the shower head she could not help but hope Jill was right. A hole continued to simmer and burn like the alcohol she poured down her throat to try and stifle the sorrow, and yet Claire did not want to give up but the trials of her vice were long from being over.


	2. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our ladies are making progress working through years and years of trauma but-each of them have a lot to work through and that includes within their relationship. I hope the point of this came across that they are in a good, committed relationship that is suffering due to the harsh realities of their lives but they both are seeking the same goal and the same thing, recovery, albeit poor Claire is taking longer to work through what she's been suffering through but as you will see Jill's experiences never leave her either.
> 
> A big theme I hope I promoted was the importance of getting help and listening to it or at least not falling into relying on one's partner for happiness. However in life there are cycles and they are difficult to break. I wanted to show that they haven't quite made it past their difficulties and that in spite of that because they have each other they are just as strong as they are individually. 
> 
> Thank you for reading my angsty stories and being interested in my series. (:

“I'm okay.” Claire stated with firmness once she entered her office where Jill had been waiting for her. Lifting her head from her cell, Jill stood to greet her girlfriend who immediately embraced her. 

Taking in the smell of coconut, Claire felt a smile grow on her face upon seeing Jill again after so long. After an arduous experience at Harvardville Airport she was relieved to be in her girlfriend’s arms. Clinging to Jill, Claire buried her face into Jill’s neck for a brief moment. 

“Damn, I’ve been waiting to hear that for days. I know communicating during incidents is difficult but I was-” However anything else Jill was going to say was interrupted by Claire's lip which hit her with a fervor that backed the taller woman up to Claire’s desk. 

Chuckling softly Jill pressed her lips against Claire’s, relief finding its way within her chest as she reached to touch the side of Claire’s face with her hand. 

“I should have done that weeks ago.” Claire breathed with a reddening face upon realizing she had pushed Jill on top of the desk in her excitement. Receiving a secret grin, the redness deepened but it was assuaged when the door to her office opened with a coworker stopping dead in her tracks. 

“Hello uh-” Gina stuttered out upon seeing the BSAA agent in the room. Recognizing her as Jill Valentine her embarrassment grew until Claire saved her by taking the files she had been about to deliver from her hand. 

“Thanks Gina, have a nice night.” Claire said, setting the files beside Jill with a smirk on her face when Gina awkwardly waved before she left in a hurry. 

“They’re awfully green for TerraSave members.” Jill commented with a raised brow in which Claire shoved her playfully seeming in a better mood than Jill's seen in awhile. 

“They’ll get plenty of experience yet, you know I have more than my fair share.” Claire laughed softly tucking a loose strand from her loose hair as Jill slid off of Claire’s desk. 

Gazes dropping to her feet Jill stood beside Claire near the desk and she bumped her gently with her arm, “You do.” She whispered out trying to catch Claire’s eyes. 

“Jill, you're making a serious lecture face right now.” Claire groaned and Jill huffed as she turned to trap Claire against the wooden desk behind her. Gloved hands brushed against the wooden surface as Jill’s smile transitioned to a slight frown.

“You’re making dinner tonight.” Jill declared not moving one inch when Claire wrapped her arms around her neck. 

“And no begging for me to do it.” She went on to say already catching Claire in her next thought before her lips could release it. 

Pouting visibly Claire exhaled, “If you say no fun afterward I am going to be crushed. Might have to file for divorce if this keeps up.” Earning a chuckle from Jill she watched as Jill moved away to cross her arms. 

“I didn’t hear you complain last time and who said you were Mrs. Valentine yet?” Jill teased and Claire smirked playfully when she heard the flirt for what it was. 

Turning back to her desk Claire went about collecting the files Gina had given her and various assortment of items to prepare for their departure. Hand shaking Claire kept her face turned away from Jill. 

Tightening her hold around the file, Claire continued to organize them while she clenched her other hand into a fist. 

“You don’t have to take it so hard.” Jill whispered suddenly behind Claire which distracted her from her task. Smile rising despite the slight shaking Claire glanced up to Jill with amusement. 

“You’re too much sometimes.” She commented and Jill’s face grew with that subtle smirk of hers that Claire had grown to adore many years ago. 

“Well—that isn’t me vibrating.” Jill said, suddenly catching Claire off guard until she felt the vibration in her front pocket. Pulling it out and looking at the number she lifted it and Jill nodded, taking the files and preparing to take them to the car as Claire took her call. 

“Hello Claire, how are you?” The sponsor asked and Claire took a deep breath as she watched Jill’s figure turn down the hallway towards the elevators. 

“I’m better, I just returned home from a bad fucking time that ended up fine but I-”

“Still want a drink?” They ventured and Claire’s nose twitched as her mouth slipped down into a frown. 

“Usually I do after encounters with-well you know-but Jill’s here with me right now and she’s been home more. It’s not as bad.” Claire admitted sighing as she leaned her head forward against the glass window of her office. 

“And yet if Jill wasn’t there, where do you think you’d want to be?” Her sponsor named Emilia asked and Claire groaned softly. 

“Fuck.” She sighed with a building frustration as she kicked her foot gently into the glass. 

Turning away from the glass she walked towards the view of her western windows which allowed Claire view of the city, other large skyscrapers towering high into the sky were in front of her and a gathering of yellow cabs and lights down farther below. 

Claire’s gaze moved from the far drop of the 12th floor and Claire focused back upon the horizon which was illuminated by distant stars that were obscured largely by the city lights.

“My advice to you honey is to talk to her about it and remember I am just one call to make. Anytime you’re thinking about it, you know what to do.” Emilia offered her warmer tone soothing some of Claire’s growing anxiety and yet despite this she knew it was going to continue. 

Managing a meek reply, Claire sighed as she hung up the phone. 

Putting her hand to her face Claire trembled for a long moment until she was able to calm herself down. Setting her hand to the door in front of her she paused upon seeing another coworker of whom she recognized as Neil Fisher. Receiving a soft smile from the man she gave him one in return before she departed from her office. 

Footsteps hurrying past any other late goers, she continued forward and she took her jacket off as soon as she stepped outside. Breathing in the fresh air she let out an exhale when she felt less stifled as if she no longer felt suffocated by walls closing in. 

Pausing a small smile rose when Jill pulled up in front of her and she felt a warmth pervade her chest when Jill jogged to open the passenger door for her like she always did when they were together. Sliding in Claire dropped the jacket into the car’s backseat and she rested her head into the seat as Jill moved to the driver's side of the car. 

Engine roaring Claire bit her lip to suppress a chuckle as Jill rode them out of the area quickly. Head lolling to the side she simply watched Jill drive for a moment before she felt Jill’s hand on her knee. Glancing down to Jill’s hand she smiled softly as she reached to grab her hand. 

Hand tightening in a squeeze Claire’s shuddering slowed to a halt and she looked to Jill who was still focused on the road. Somehow Claire had yet to figure out how Jill always knew when she needed her. 

Falling asleep along the drive to the apartment, Claire felt Jill lift her up with ease and she giggled softly knowing Jill was aware she was pretending. Keeping her eyes closed to maintain the exhausted facade, Claire listened to Jill’s footsteps as she walked up the steps to her apartment which Claire had been using the most even though she kept one of her own further out in the city. 

Feeling her body touch Jill’s couch, Claire sighed happily and she blinked her eyes open to spot Jill who was staring at her. Noticing the concern in her girlfriend’s eyes she immediately reached up to her only for Jill to stop her with her hand. 

“You’ve had a hard week. I will take care of everything.” Jill soothed but Claire stood at this wiping at her eyes as she tried to fight off a yawn. 

“Babe no, you’ve done enough for me lately. I-I will fix us something for once.” Claire managed with a yawn dragging out the rest of her sentence. 

“But Claire—” However Jill was ignored as Claire walked to the kitchen with a determined look on her features. Starting up Jill’s stove, Claire went about making them something that involved a blue box and Jill’s frown lifted up as she held back a laugh. 

Seeming to know Jill was laughing at her, blue eyes darted to her and Claire shot her a withering glare. 

“I’ve been with you long enough to know when you’re mocking me.” Claire said in a stern but playful tone and Jill had the grace to blush in response. Seeking to fix this slight she had apparently committed against the shorter woman, Jill slid over to hug her only for Claire to stop her with a spoon. 

“Everything you make is my favorite.” Jill said taking the utensil and spinning it on her finger. Blush growing on her face whenever Jill would do things like that Claire reached to grab it back but she missed and she accidentally fell into Jill by mistake. 

Catching her from her drop Jill lifted her back up, her expression tensing when she felt how hot Claire’s arms were. 

“You’re sweating.” Jill noted blinking when Claire moved away from her hand when she attempted to check her forehead. 

“I’m okay like I said love.” Claire assured going back to making the meal whereas Jill squinted but seemed to decide to not comment any further on it. 

Several minutes later they enjoyed their mac and cheese meal lovingly made by Claire. 

Receiving a few stares Claire maintained a calm expression despite the jittery feeling she was feeling in her stomach. Shaking with her spoon, Claire gulped slowly when Jill finished eating. 

Watching her clean up Claire put a hand to the side of her face to wipe her sweat as her guilt began to surface and burn across her stomach and she opened her mouth to speak when Jill turned and grabbed her bowl, cleaning her finished bowl for her. 

“Jill—” Claire started but her voice came out in a tired whisper so low the dark haired woman in front of her had likely been unable to hear her. Watching Jill walk away she blinked upon seeing her disrobe and remove her uniform. Watching her muscles in her back move as Jill took off her uniform Claire moved to follow, receiving a smile when Jill looked at her. 

“Relax with me?” She heard Jill question as she walked to her bathroom and turned on the faucet on her bathtub. Hesitating in the doorway for a mere moment, Claire bit her lip before nodding.

“As long as we use bubbles.” Claire laughed and Jill seemed to relent already dumping it in as she continued to prepare. Watching the bubbles build within the tub Claire’s heart hammered in her chest and ears as she lifted her shirt and joined.

“Jill I can’t do this anymore.” Claire’s voice whimpered out and Jill shuddered as she moved to step forward however something was keeping her rooted to the spot. Icy fear ran a chill down Jill’s spine as she struggled to move after her. 

“N-No don’t say that.” Jill gasped reaching for Claire but still being unable to reach her. Fingers brushing against Claire’s face, her eyes widened when Claire fell to the floor in front of her. 

Watching in shock blood seeped from the cuts in Claire’s arm and heat grew in her limbs as she strained to get closer. 

Hearing her lover scream she pushed forward into glass and she groaned as it shattered around her. 

Landing in a roll Jill continued to run when a dark figure hovered above Claire’s form. Recognizing the shape of the figure the fear in her chest grew rapidly and her breathing became louder and louder as she continued to run. The stretch of distance grew between herself and Claire much to her frustration and she startled when beings rose like dark shadowed obstacles. 

“Claire, you have to get out of there!” Jill yelled into the air as she shoved passed the bloodied and mangled figures attempting to swarm her. 

Hearing loud footsteps her panic grew and she began to punch her way forward. 

“It’s coming.” Jill grunted the tell tale roar of Nemesis shuddering through her brain as the burn of adrenaline kept her going in a sprint. 

Sliding past a licker that had seemingly attacked Claire, she fell to her knees and she shuffled forward covering Claire from the ensuing attack. 

However to her surprise the thundering footsteps ceased and they were in a meadow. Blinking slowly the woman in blue glanced around with surprise upon recognizing the place since the both of them had been there before. 

“You’re a little late but I like that in a woman.” Claire’s teasing voice said and a different sort of warmth flowed through Jill when she saw Claire was sitting at a French restaurant waiting for her. 

Looking down she raised a brow upon seeing the vest she had nervously picked out several minutes prior for their date. Shrugging and glad to be out of danger she felt a dizziness follow her as she moved to sit in front of Claire, her short hair brushing against her cheek when she ducked her head. 

“Sorry I-explaining what we are doing tonight to Chris was awkward.” Jill laughed with a redness growing on her face when Claire reached to grab her hand. 

“I don’t think the whole time we’ve been together I have seen you nervous.” Claire remarked with a soft smile on her face that seemed to soothe Jill’s concerns and fears instantly. 

“I get nervous, I’m just an expert at concealing it.” Jill whispered leaning forward to speak closer to the redhead who leaned in turn. 

“You’re an expert at a lot of things, aren’t you?” Claire asked as she trailed a finger down Jill’s wrist. Glancing to her finger a small smirk rose that was halted when she looked up to the waitress behind Claire. 

Noticing the visible mutation and recognizing wisps of blonde hair, Jill's smile dropped and she pushed up from her seat when the mutated Rachel reached to attack Claire before she could stop her.

“Claire!”

Trembling Jill took deep breaths as she looked around her bedroom. Sweat dripping down her face she reached forward through the dark of the room with the slips of light from the moonlight guiding her vision. Allowing her hand to drop to her partner's back, she folded her hand into a fist as her knees rose to her chest, their shared bed creaking slightly since they had gotten it cheap a couple years ago. 

The mattress under them was slightly uncomfortable now but Jill chose to focus on the warmth of Claire's back. 

She opened her fist and she traced her fingers across her tan exposed skin before Claire turned, stirring despite Jill's gentle touches. Shifted up with blurry vision, she looked to Jill who was noticeably pale and shaking.

"Jill-?" Claire questioned in alarm, wiping at her eyes as she reached to turn on a lamp. 

Hand grabbing her wrist she was stopped. 

"I want it dark. I-I just need-" Jill said, her voice falling low and cracking with pain. Worry grew in her partner's chest and Jill sighed when she felt Claire wrap her arms around her. 

“You’re alright. We’re both alright and I’m here, I will always be here.” Claire soothed tiredly as Jill tugged her closer and closer, pressing their bodies together as the sheets tangled around them. 

A wetness dropped onto Claire’s skin and she looked up to Jill who was cradling her head for dear life. Shifting closer she moved her hand across the cool sheets to Jill’s side and she gripped Jill’s bicep as they locked gazes. 

Noticing the frozen stare she was receiving Claire set her hand onto Jill’s cheek which broke her from her dazed state. Blinking her darkened blue eyes rapidly, Jill’s dark eyebrows dropped while her chest dropped with her deep exhale. 

“Claire, I don’t want to lose you.” A subdued voice fell through the air seeming to smack Claire directly in the chest. Heat grew at the seriousness of Jill’s declaration and she managed a weak and confused smile. 

“You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere.” Claire said, her voice filling in the bedroom’s quietness until their movement on the bed shuffled the sheets. 

Hugging Claire tighter to her chest, Jill’s arm wrapped around her naked back and her clothed front warmed Claire to the touch where she was otherwise cooled by the coldness of the room. 

“You’ve not been yourself lately—and I am worried.” Jill admitted after several seconds of painful silence.

Lifting up from Jill’s hold, her partner sucked in a breath, 

“The recent attack was just a lot.” Claire admitted, tears misting in her eyes.

“You’re not alone, you have me and you know I’d never think you were weak for feeling this way.” Jill’s shakiness went away the longer they spoke while Claire moved to cover herself with a blanket. 

“Why do you act as if I am the one who has my shit together? You know I see someone about my problems.” Jill questioned a bit of heat flowing into her tone before she glanced away with shame for her anger. 

A drop in her expression grew which seemed to shadow Claire’s face as the tears misting in her eyes fell like small warm waterfalls.

“Fuck Claire I’m sorry.” Jill apologized, as she ran a hand through her bangs, messing her hair up in the process. 

“Don’t be, you’re right you know? I am unfair to you when it comes to this and I’ve been stupid to try and act as if everything’s okay when it isn’t.” Feeling Jill cup her face, Claire turned to look at Jill who’s eyes she had been avoiding during their talk. Shifting to sit in front of her, Jill used her hands to direct Claire’s attention entirely on her as she leaned over her slightly. 

“If you say something negative about yourself again I won’t be held responsible for what I do. You’re beautiful and intelligent and I love you—” Jill said with fire in her voice as she kissed Claire’s forehead gently. 

“I love you too.” Claire whispered back as she laid her head against Jill’s chest. 

Listening to the rapid beating of Jill’s chest, Claire kissed her collarbone and she clenched her eyes shut before she spoke again. 

“But I have been lying to you.” Claire admitted letting out a heavy exhale when Jill’s heart rate increased. Lifting from Jill’s chest, she glanced up with worry when Jill’s grip on her sides tightened. 

“Lying about what?” Hearing Jill’s voice crack with her question, fear made its way across Claire’s chest since she knew how Jill felt about being lied to. 

Exhaling another shuddering breath Claire opened her eyes back up again to look her girlfriend in the eye. 

“I had a drink at the airport.” Claire admitted with shame building in her chest as she watched Jill process her statement. Sadness and a mix of emotions ranged in her dark eyes as she blinked at Claire. 

“Is this why you’ve been suffering withdrawal?” Jill questioned with a sigh her voice edging disappointment which created a ping of pain to grow in Claire’s chest. 

Nodding slowly Jill relaxed her grip on Claire as the sheet Claire was holding fell from her arms. 

“Claire, you don’t have to hide it from me. I figured out something was wrong when I saw you at your office.” Reaching forward Jill pulled her into a tight embrace that caused Claire to slump in her hold. 

Chest meeting Jill’s chest she felt tears rise when she was met with Jill’s usual calm understanding stare. Trembling slightly in Jill’s arms Claire cried softly into her neck as she continued to speak in a whisper. 

“I didn’t want to put you through this. You’ve already been through hell over and over. How is this right for me to add to your misery?” She heard Claire cry out and Jill tightened her arms around Claire’s back as Claire’s tears dropped against her neck. 

“You’re what keeps the misery and fear at bay my love.” Her calm voice said into her ear and they both continued to hug as they whispered to each other throughout the evening into the early morning. 

“Without you I wouldn’t have made it through any of it, remember?” Jill said with a firmness that matched Claire’s tone earlier that evening. 

“But you don’t need me to be strong. What do you need me for?” Claire whispered her tone sounding rough after crying for nearly an hour. 

Sighing softly Jill brushed Claire’s bangs from her face before she answered. 

“You don’t need me Claire but I know you want and love me. I will always want you and I want you to get better but I can’t make it easy for you as much as I wish I could take all of your pain from you.” Jill said emphatically and Claire nodded into her neck as she sniffled along with her girlfriend. 

Shifting in their embrace, Claire wrapped her arms around Jill’s torso running her hands down Jill’s side before she grabbed Jill’s shirt gently. 

Eyes falling to the side of the dark room Claire nuzzled Jill’s stomach until she was able to mumble something out. Not hearing Claire, Jill ran her hand through Claire’s hair. Turning her head from Jill’s stomach in response Claire spoke again in a much clearer tone. 

“Thank you for being the reasonable one in our relationship.” 

Managing a laugh despite the tear treks on her face Jill continued to play with Claire’s hair. 

“I will tell you if it happens again, I-I promise.” Claire whispered to Jill as she yawned softly. Hearing her yawn Jill joined her as she wrapped her arms around Claire and pulled her on top of her. 

Cuddling her tightly Jill hummed in reply as the tiredness of their emotional conversation took its hold. 

“I-I’ll keep trying.” Claire said her voice soothing Jill as she listened with her eyes shut. 

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized once I discovered what I was going to write for the next chapter that I needed to provide a warning for you all. So next chapter is moving past the timeline of Revelations to Resident Evil 5 so things are going to get deep and dark for Jill and Claire rather quickly. If you know of the events of Resident Evil 5 or the Spencer Estate Raid then you know what I am referring too. This is an event I touched upon in Valentine's Day and The Letter and I felt it would only be full circle to go into what Claire goes through. However next chapter will be heavily centered around Jill. 
> 
> Fear not although these chapters seem largely dark/sad, the last chapter I absolutely plan to be uplifting.


	3. Strain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of changes have been made once I wrote this and I realized this story was going to be a chapter longer than I initially planned but in order to add the proper depth I wanted to show both Jill and Claire's side to this situation. I want to provide a heavy drinking/drunk character warning and a warning for moments of intense anxiety. Each of these characters are experiencing and handling their PTSD symptoms differently and I hoped to reflect this as well as I could and how I thought each character would handle their issues. This is another sad chapter and I do apologize for those of you who may find reading this hard. I wanted to add moments of levity and domesticity because just as important is the love and the care these characters hold for each other!! (:
> 
> This does lead to the fight mentioned briefly in Valentine's Day (If you remember that old story XD). 
> 
> Thank you so much and I also apologize for taking much longer to update these days!

"Don't do this to yourself." Jill whispered aloud and her eyebrows moved downward as her gaze moved to the only clock in her apartment. 

Shifting forward Jill put her hands to her face and an orange glimpse of light through her blinds revealed Jill's dark hair and tanned face as she sighed. Turning her head she revealed a tired blue eye while the silence of her apartment was disrupted by the tap of her booted foot. 

Foot tapping harder Jill shuddered when her attention was taken away from the ticking clock to the trembling of her arms and hands. 

Moving her hands from her sweating face Jill reached forward to the remote, her exposed arms tensing with the movement as the TV switched off further increasing the volume of the clock. Dropping the remote Jill reached for her phone. 

Circles under her eyes were illuminated by the small phone as she bit her lip with aggravation. 

"Fuck let her have fun for once." Jill cursed setting the phone onto her coffee table as she pushed back into her couch. Looking to the left the sliding woman caught sight of her B.S.A.A. badge on a bookshelf, long placed there upon returning home months ago. 

Haunting memories of the Queen Zenobia flashed in her mind. Loud footsteps shook the room and a shadow picked up her heartbeat but she quickly closed her eyes. Distracting her ensuing panic attack she thought of wisps of red hair, blue eyes, and a pink lipped smile. Warmth grew until the table vibrated, picking back up her heartbeat unexpectedly. 

Picking up the buzzing phone Jill clicked a button and she pressed it to her ear while she shakily pushed back loose strands of her hair with her left hand. 

"This is Jill Valentine." She answered her voice revealing a heaviness and shakiness she tried to conceal with a professional tone. 

A boisterous laugh caught her off guard and her eyebrow arched upon recognizing it.

"Claire?" She questioned blinking since the caller ID wasn't her girlfriend's number. 

"H-Hey baby I lost my phone. It’s a funny story." Claire's muffled voice laughed out and she tensed upon hearing a slight slur to her words. 

Lifting into a stand Jill went to grab a jacket to slip over her grey tank top as Claire continued to struggle to speak. 

"Are you okay?" Jill cut in with a serious frown as she slid on the black jacket. Reaching to where she had laid her keys she ignored the shake in her hand and she tightened her grip around the silver keys belonging to her car. 

"Uhm, yes it was someone's fucking b—birthday I don't remember now. Where are we going?" She heard Claire question her voice warm and comforting despite Jill's tightening grip on her cell. 

Walking to her bathroom Jill stopped in front of the mirror she had broken hours ago. A shattered image of herself staring back at her and she dipped her head down to the sink as she looked at the white which still had drops of red within it. 

Turning the sink on she washed away the sight of blood. Eyes dropping to her bandaged hand Jill sighed. Gripping the side of the sink Jill grit her teeth as she adjusted her hold on her phone. 

"It's your boss Neil's birthday and I am guessing it moved to the bar downtown?" Jill asked as she turned to walk out of her apartment ignoring her thoughts prior to Claire's call as she hurried down the steps with a jump off the last step. 

"Y-Yes Jill I'm sorry. I have Neil's phone right now." Claire said the jovial sound shifting into a more apologetic one within seconds. 

Familiar with the tell tale signs of when Claire was about to cry, Jill continued on to her vehicle and she opened it forcefully. 

"You're drunk and I am coming to get you." Jill replied, turning the wheel as she pulled out of the apartment's parking lot. 

"I missed you. It's not as fun without you but I know you hate this kind of thing. You—you don’t have to come." Claire whimpered and Jill sighed as she clicked the phone to speaker phone glad since it was 3 in the morning there was minimal traffic. 

"I just hate that I believed they were your friends and no babe I am coming to get you." Jill growled, her grip on the wheel tightening and revealing the whites of her knuckles. 

"Don't be mad love. It's not his fault." Claire continued to babble and Jill frown deepened as she blinked rapidly to regain her focus. 

"Claire." Jill said in a firm tone until it melted into a softer tone. 

"Y-Yesh?" 

Stopping as red lights illuminated the front of her hood Jill glanced to the phone and the darkness of the inner console before she spoke again. 

"I'm not happy about this." Jill revealed as Claire's hiccups echoed through the speaker. Knowing her girlfriend was crying a pit formed in her stomach which simmered some of her anger. 

Swallowing thickly Jill knew she had to keep Claire talking to her. Hands tightening on the wheel for another reason Jill increased the speed hoping to get to her faster. 

"I know. I know I fucked up again—" Claire slurred and yet Jill could hear muffling and a slight beat of music which muffled some of her words. 

"Your coworkers did." Jill whispered with heat to her voice as she glared at the headlights passing beside her as she turned to the next street. Heart hitting her chest rapidly Jill sighed when Claire continued to apologize to her. 

"Babe where are you?" Jill questioned hoping to get a semblance of an answer only for muffled and cut off voices to greet her as she turned into the bar's parking lot. 

Phone call ending abruptly Jill pulled to the side as several men and women walked into the bar that seemed to resemble a club with loud music and colorful lights that flickered to another vivid neon light every few seconds. Jill shut the car door behind her and she dropped the keys into her pocket before she swiftly walked to the entrance only to immediately be stopped by a large man in a black outfit. 

“Name?” He asked, putting a hand to her arm as Jill’s stare moved up to his face. 

“I’m looking for my girlfriend Claire Redfield.” She replied, backing away from his touch as if repulsed.

“Redhead who’s really loud?” He questioned pointing his thumb behind him where a drunk woman nearly collapsed into a person in the midst of the dance floor. 

“I’m going to get her.” Jill growled walking past him without another word edgewise as she pushed passed people without a care for complaints or comments. She edged through the crowd hurriedly and her face was lit up by a bright red light when she stopped near Claire and Neil who was laughing hysterically at his coworker. One of the others, Gina if Jill remembered right, stopped laughing upon seeing her and she practically paled when she was hit by the intensity of the woman’s anger.

“Claire, come here.” Jill started reaching for Claire who’s smile grew upon seeing her. Met with Claire’s body she was hit with wet kisses from her girlfriend who tightened her arms around her immediately. 

“J—Jill you’re here!” The drunk woman cheered and Jill wrapped an arm around her back as she struggled to keep Claire still. 

“You’re fucking lucky she’s in my arms right now. Who ordered the drinks?” Jill questioned with a glare in their direction as Gina pointed to Neil who merely raised a brow. 

“You knew she had a problem you pompous asshole.” Jill cursed fixing him with a heated stare but she knew he was likely too drunk to remember what she was saying. 

Feeling Claire moving to kiss her neck she tightened her hold around her before she proceeded to leave, not giving the others another look as she dragged her girlfriend away from the party. 

“I just wanted her to have fun. Y—You—you know.” Neil called back and Jill grit her teeth in aggravation as she stopped with her at the entrance. 

“Fuck off.” Jill whispered to herself since she was too far from them to fire back. Sighing she brought Claire from the club to the car and she strapped her in, brushing her loose strands of hair away from her face as her girlfriend began to cry. 

Starting up the car Jill remained silent as she drove from the lot, the only side being the patter of rain against the hood and windows of the car and the quiet crying of Claire. 

Turning to glance at Claire at a red light Jill dipped her head down to the steering wheel, her arms resting against it so she could get a better look at the woman next to her. 

“I—I’m so sorry for embarrassing you.” Claire whimpered to Jill sniffling as she reached to touch her arm. Wet and glassy eyes greeted Jill when she looked into her sad blue eyes and she frowned as she thought over what to say. 

“Your hand.” Claire commented blinking rapidly as she tried to grab at Jill’s hands. In response Jill slipped from Claire’s grasp and she shifted into a straighter stance that was solid and terse. 

“You’re not an embarrassment.” Jill affirmed pushing her foot into the acceleration when the light flicked to green. 

Lip quivering as her vision blurred once again Claire reached for Jill only to be met with a tensed arm and shoulder. 

“Jill.” Claire fumbled out drunkenly, the formation of her thoughts obviously dizzy and cluttered as she fumbled her speech. 

“I—I messed it all up.” She sobbed and Jill made a turn which moved Claire’s touch from her jacket in the process. 

Searching the road ahead Jill stayed silent and the air thickened as Claire slumped back into her seat. 

“Saying your sorry doesn’t fix it but I know you mean it.” Jill said after a few minutes of uncomfortable driving as she continued down the road towards her apartment she often shared with Claire. 

“W—What can I do to f—fish it?” Claire questioned and Jill refrained from chuckling despite the bubble of amusement Claire often inspired in her chest. Warmth settled in and yet it felt hot, sticky, and uncomfortable instead of the usual comforting warmth she felt around Claire. 

“I don’t know, w—we’ll figure it out.” Jill answered gripping the wheel as she turned back into her apartment complex. Her hand stung and yet it did not match the sting that grew in her chest asClaire continued to apologize and beg for her forgiveness. 

Patience wore thin like a weakening piece of rope she felt like she was struggling to keep her grasp on but Jill firmed her grip as she lifted her girlfriend into her arms. Just as always Claire rested her head into her neck and she tightened her hold around Jill’s shoulders and for a moment everything felt okay. 

Jill calmed her heart by enjoying the feeling of Claire’s soft hair against her neck but her heartbeat picked up when she made each step knowing how the night was going to play out. How it seemed to play out every time this happened. Except more and more Jill felt tiredness weigh in and tonight everything felt worse than usual. Her nerves were shot and the weight in her chest felt like a lead weight was pushing against her back but she carried on. 

Letting Claire down on the couch, Jill got out of her jacket and she walked to get a drink without another word to her girlfriend.

Turning after gaining the nerve she was met with the back of Claire’s head lolled slightly to the side and she walked over with the drink in her hand full and untouched. 

“Drink this.” Jill instructed leaning down to hand the cold beverage to Claire and the redhead’s blurred vision was met with a clear glass full of liquid. Taking it with a bit of sloppiness, Claire nursed it in both hands but she was quickly losing her awake state as she blinked to stay awake. 

Feeling the weight of the couch shift she turned to look at Jill who sat at the far end as far as she could from her. 

Noticing this despite her drunken state Claire’s strained smile fell into another frown and she reached forward again, her relief letting out with a breath when Jill allowed her to touch her. 

Her head found its place into Jill’s arms as Claire took a sip of the water she had gotten for her. Setting it down with the help of Jill, Claire shifted to speak but no words came out as the ticking of the clock filled the void. 

Suddenly enveloped fully by her girlfriend’s arms, Claire began to cry again as she reached to gently touch the bandage on Jill’s hand. It seemed likely that she wanted to insist that Jill tell her what she had done and yet the night seemed to have different plans as the drinks and warmth of Jill’s embrace lolled her to sleep. 

Unbeknownst to Claire a wetness dripped onto her face and ran down her cheek and face mixing with her own previously shed tears. 

A tiredness fluttered through her chest as Jill opened the door only to be met with large rose petals in an assortment of colors. Blinking confusedly, Jill took the large amount of flowers and she backed up to allow Claire to enter inside.

Noticing what her girlfriend was dressed in she put a hand to her face in an attempt to conceal her delighted laugh. 

“Before you kick me out. I have more than that.” Claire declared appearing nervous as she reached through her pants pocket for something. Setting down the roses which were her favorite, Jill crossed her arms having just arrived home from a workout at the gym. Only in a blue sports bra and long dark shorts compared to Claire who was wearing a red suit with a black tie. 

Unused to seeing Claire dressed so nicely she humored her as she leaned onto her kitchen counter. Sweat dripped down past her face but she whipped it away waiting in silence for what Claire had for her. It had been a few days since they had last spoken mostly due to work and the night Claire had relapsed resulting in her needing to attend more meetings in AA. 

Jill had attempted to be supportive with calls but to her disappointment Claire had been unable to take them between her work and meetings. Having missed just the sight of her, Jill felt a warmth bubble in her chest when Claire walked over to her with a nervous smile her direction. 

“I think one of us is heavily underdressed for this moment.” Jill mentioned raising a brow when Claire got on one knee. A nervous fire of fear and excitement ran like ice water through her spine but it was relaxed by a touch of Claire’s hand to her leg. 

“I know what this looks like and I swear I will propose to you when the moment is right but for now I want to be better first. I want to be sure that we’ve both healed.” Claire started and Jill calmed slightly and she let out a nervous chuckle as she leaned down joining Claire on the floor.

Not waiting any longer Jill wrapped her arms around Claire’s neck and she kissed her on the lips like she had longed to do since she saw her walk through her door. 

“Apology accepted.” Jill replied kissing Claire harder and nearly taking her breath and wrinkling her suit in the process. Feeling a hand around her black tie Claire blushed heavily in response. 

“I have a feeling you missed me.” Claire managed with a growing smile when Jill reached to pull Claire to her by her tie. 

“I missed having you here. It’s surprising what you miss and how routine we become. Not seeing you in bed next to me was strange even though I know we can’t help but be gone when we’re working.” Jill admitted shifting from her kissing to look Claire in the eyes. 

“I feel like that often Jill but I’m glad to hear you’re hopelessly in love with me.” Claire chuckled and Jill rolled her eyes playfully in response. 

“I do love you. How many times have you heard it?” Jill teased her face reddening when she felt Claire run her hands from her wrists to her biceps. 

“Not nearly enough.” Claire joked closing her eyes briefly when Jill kissed her again. 

“Not satisfied after 8 years? You’re a difficult woman to please.” Jill remarked with a raised brow that she knew Claire was intimately familiar with looking at.

“Only pleased by you.” Claire said lifting to stand with Jill’s help. Jill turned from Claire and she sighed as reached to touch the flowers Claire had gifted her. 

Brushing a strand of hair from her face Claire loosened her ponytail and it fell like a messy curtain across her cheek and face. Fixing it with a hand she laughed softly when Jill went to mess it up further for her. 

“I’m glad though that you apologized or I would have been pissed about this for a long time.” Jill said, glancing from the flowers to Claire as she leaned back into a stool. 

“Jill Valentine loves me too much and she’s too good to hold a grudge against me.” Claire answered, the joy in her eyes lighting up her face as Jill rolled her eyes for the second time that day. 

“Claire, you’re not very good at lying.” Jill teased back, touching her hand to her own face and Claire’s smile dropped upon noticing the scar across her palm. Gently taking it from her face Jill shivered when her partner kissed it to her lips. Eyebrows falling downward at noticing the distress in Claire’s eyes Jill turned her hand over to grab Claire’s hand. 

“I should have been home with you instead of screwing up all my progress. I—I make two steps forward and ten steps backwards.” Claire sighed visibly deflating with her defeat until Jill reached to touch her shoulder. 

“No one ever said this was easy. We should know that better than anyone right?” Jill asked her lips quirked up when Claire lifted her gaze back up to her partner’s face. 

“God I—where would I be without you?” Claire questioned seriously. 

Chuckling softly Jill arched a brow in reply, “A virgin maybe.” Jill joked causing Claire to blush profusely before she made a face at her in response. 

“Please don’t ever tell that joke in front of Chris.” Claire groaned as her cheeks warmed from the heat of her blush. 

“I don’t talk about these things with him, you're the one who—” However whatever else Jill had been about to say was interrupted by Claire’s cell. 

Glancing to her girlfriend she nodded at her before Claire answered with a much happier hello than Jill’s heard in days. 

“Oh hey Gina.” She heard Claire say as she walked into the living room to continue the conversation. 

Checking her phone while Claire spoke to Gina, Jill narrowed her eyes at a recent message sent by Chris. Reading the message quickly she steadied her nerves by gripping the end of the counter before she slipped her cell back onto the marble when Claire walked back into the kitchen. 

“Gina wants to talk to you about something. Got date plans?” Claire teased passing her phone over to Jill who merely blinked before she cleared her throat. 

“Hello Miss Foley.” Jill said into the phone trying to ignore the funny faces Claire was making at her. Claire then busied herself by setting the flowers she had brought for Jill into a vase. 

“Oh-Gina is fine Miss Valentine! I—I imagine this is a bit awkward but I had to formally apologize to you.” 

“It’s Jill and apologize for what?” Jill questioned obvious confusion evident in her voice as Gina briefly stumbled through her next sentence sounding unsure and nervous. 

“For what happened at the bar with Claire, I felt awful about it and—I should have made myself aware she was having problems. I know we’re not exactly close friends but we’re here to help people. Our boss shouldn’t have acted so inappropriately either.” Stunned slightly Jill cleared her throat before she found her next words. 

“Inappropriately?” Jill asked her grip on the counter tightening tremendously. 

“It was harmless flirting. He did that with all of us but Claire wasn’t okay with it. I was watching them to make sure he did not do anything and he didn’t but anyway I did ask for you to say I was sorry.” Gina went on her voice firming a bit towards the end of her sentence. 

“Thank you Gina for apologizing. It’s appreciated. I’m glad she has a friend to watch out for her.” Jill went on to say her grip lessening as she calmed down her temper. 

“Of course I like Claire and it’s people like her that keep the world safe, we need as many as we can get.” Gina said, her voice lowering as she looked ahead at the computer at her desk. 

Eyebrows relaxing slightly Jill began to smile, “You’re right about that. She’s one of the best.” Jill replied looking to Claire as she set down a vase she had fumbled trying to find for several minutes. 

Meeting Claire’s warm gaze, Jill felt a renewed hope that things were going to change for the better. 

After a few more minutes of discussion with Gina, Jill told her goodbye and she ended the call. 

“So movie date or picnic at the park? Gina probably has expensive taste.” Claire asked with a grin on her face that Jill immediately threw a pillow at. Ducking from getting hit by the pillow Claire stood to smooth out her suit which soon preoccupied Jill’s attention.

“It’d be a shame to waste this suit, wouldn’t it?” Jill questioned with a soft smile growing on her face when Claire’s expression lit up. 

“Date night! Does this mean you would wear a dress for me?” Claire asked leaning into Jill when she stood in front of her. Shaking her head playfully Jill helped Claire smooth out her collar, seeming in thought for a moment. 

“Skirt and you pay for the meal.” Jill offered and she watched with delight when Claire raised a slow brow. 

“It’d have to be a cheap date then with me paying for lunches at work.” Claire joked shifting away to get something to drink as Jill followed her into the kitchen. 

“Fine I will pay and wear something special for you.” Jill begrudgingly agreed as her eyes followed the movement of the bottle of water in Claire’s grasp. 

Pausing from taking another drink Claire blinked for a moment at her partner. 

“Did I just win on a date because that never happens!” She exclaimed, taking another drink with a giddy smile following after. 

“I just like to see you smile like that more is all.” Jill revealed before she glanced down to her work out clothes. 

Watching Jill leave to take a shower Claire set the bottle down and she moved to stop Jill from leaving by catching her wrist. 

“I’m treating you for everything you’ve done for me, sound fair?” Claire asked her giddy smile falling into a softer one as Jill reached to squeeze her hand. 

“Sounds fair but I’ll still wear the dress.” Jill laughed and Claire’s beaming grew even brighter as excitement lit up her eyes as if a firework had just gone off in front of her or at least Jill liked pretending they did when Claire smiled like that.

A tenseness grew in Jill’s chest as she rammed her fist forward into the punching bag. A burn of strain and exertion spread through her elbow to her wrist but she continued to push forward hitting her knuckles hard into the bag with her left and then right and then left again. 

The whacking of her forceful punches were loud within the small studio apartment but it could barely dull out the thuds of boots against the wooden floor. Turning Jill paused a prepared attack and she smiled over at the man who dropped a bag with a sigh. 

“You’ve been working out more lately.” Chris said stretching his neck and shoulder with a backwards motion which popped when he finally stretched it the right way. 

“I’m a field operative. I have to stay in shape.” Jill said with a shrug nearly getting hit in the face by a towel if she hadn’t caught it with her hand. Rolling her eyes at her partner she dried the sweat from her face and she sighed as she moved to sit down watching Chris idly as he set up his laptop and laid down a folder on his coffee table. 

“I know I just meant you’re pushing it. You’re doing this more than usual, and for you that is saying a lot.” Chris went on to say his face illuminated by the white computer screen light when he powered it up. 

Sighing softly Jill crossed her arms revealing the work she’s put into them as she held back some of her irritation. 

“Why do you never say it to me outright instead of playing mind puzzles with me?” Jill questioned her eyes leveling into a seriousness that she knew he understood. Frown lifting further down Chris glanced away from his work to Jill and she picked up on his hesitation immediately. 

“I know it’s because of Claire—I’m worried.” He revealed and when she saw the concern in his eyes she groaned slightly. Sitting beside Chris, Jill let her head fall down and her long brunette hair fell to cover the side of her face before she tucked it back with her gloved fingers.

“She’s been making progress, you know that. We’ve had our ups and downs but she’s doing okay and it’s all I’ve hoped for. There’s not a whole lot I can do for her right now.” Jill said, her voice falling into a near whisper as she continued. Listening calmly Chris set a hand on his partner’s shoulder but Jill chose to remain faced towards the floor. 

“Jill, listen she’ll get through this. She knows what she’s doing now. Kid only ever needed some direction, but in order for her to figure it out she has to get through it in her own way. Just like you and me with our shit.” 

Chuckling softly Jill glanced to Chris as her phone vibrated in her pocket, ignoring it for the time being she shoved his hand off her shoulder. 

“When did you get so wise? I thought I was the older and smarter one.” Jill remarked teasingly, receiving a swat to the back from the man before he turned his attention back to the file on his computer. 

Eyeing the yellow folder beside the computer Jill swallowed slowly as she opened it and a picture of the mansion estate revealed itself. They were deploying soon and yet she could not fight the dread in her stomach much longer. The itch to go on this lead felt urgent and irritating but like anything related to Umbrella, Jill could not avoid the worry that something could go horribly wrong. 

Regardless of this dread Jill exhaled a breath as she steeled her nerves and she continued to go over recon information. 

“Jill, we’ve received the green light for this mission. Feel like we’ll be ready to deploy in a couple days?” She heard Chris ask and her attention was drawn from the photos and files to her partner who was now standing next to his dining room table with two cups in his hand. 

Unknowingly a few hours had passed and since Jill had become so engrossed in her work, she blinked at him tiredly. Brushing back her loose hair into a ponytail, Jill took a coffee cup with a free hand and she nodded. 

“Just let me tell Claire first and I’ll get my gear ready.” Jill responded taking a large gulp of the coffee glad it was prepared how she liked it as she felt the warm liquid run past her lips.

“Let me come with you to tell the kid.” Chris said, taking a drink as he set the cup back onto the table behind him. Noticing a flicker of worry in Chris’s gaze, Jill merely nodded while she grabbed her jacket from his couch. 

“Then hurry your ass up old man, I don’t have all night.” Jill joked offering him a smile as he grabbed up his jacket from the coat rack by the door. Draping the black coat over his simple grey shirt Chris managed a smile as he followed after Jill who had slipped his keys from him almost without him noticing. 

A sink dripped in tandem with Claire’s heartbeat as she stared into the porcelain white bowl underneath her face. The coldness of the edges felt like a small comfort against the burning in her throat and face. An uncomfortable tension drew up her arms and her grip on the sink tightened as her body swayed for a brief moment. 

“This is some messed up shit.” Claire groaned pushing forward to lay her head against the broken mirror in front of her smearing the glass with the exhales of her breath and the sweat on her face. Tears mixed and dripped down the cracks of Jill's mirror but it appeared to intermingle with the moisture leftover from the hot shower she had taken moments prior. 

“Come on you were fine ten minutes ago.” Claire sighed, deciding to move her head from the mirror before she reached to turn on the cold water. Splashing her face with it she managed a weak smile of relief when it seemed to assuage the intense feeling of nausea and worry swirling in her chest and stomach. Everything felt heavy and light at the same time which confused the woman but she knew that it was too soon to pass like any other moment she’s had like this. 

Glancing at the orange bottles through the reflection of the mirror Claire lifted up a dripping hand to the white cap but something stopped her from opening it. The black lettering stuck out to her and she blinked rapidly at the name ‘Valentine’ written in type across the white label of the bottle. 

Quickly setting it down as if she had been burned or shot Claire backed away from the cabinet and the sink. Opening and closing her hands the redheaded woman moved out of the bathroom a little shaky but feeling better the more she paced around the apartment. 

Keeping her mind occupied had been the most difficult but some sort of resolve seemed to burn it’s way within her chest. 

“Fuck this, I’m better than all of this. I have a life to live.” Claire growled with conviction walking to her kitchen and she grabbed a clear bottle into her hand. Wiping her thumb across the familiar label she let out a happy sigh when she tossed it into the trash with a clink and what was obviously the sound of breaking glass. 

“Claire I’m home!” She heard Jill call out and a warmth of joy whirled it’s way in as the woman in a simple red shirt and black shorts turned to face her lover. Noticing her hulking brother edging his why into Jill’s relatively small apartment some of the joy increased as she went over to fist bump him. 

“Finally decided to let my partner come home, boss?” Claire teased missing the subtle looks Jill and Chris gave each other as Jill went to set her backpack down onto her couch. 

“Claire your shirt is unbuttoned.” Chris said with a serious expression on his face and yet Claire merely laughed and rolled her eyes. 

“No, I am not falling for that one—” However her rebuttal was interrupted by Jill who appeared behind her somehow still able to sneak up on her despite their many years together. 

Claire suddenly felt arms wrapped around her torso and stomach and she shivered when Jill reached to button up her shirt for her all the while pressing her lips to her temple in a kiss. Claire’s face reddening dramatically the Redfields did not look at each other and they each had silently vowed to never speak of it again. 

“I’m guessing you’ve always run hot.” Jill teased worsening Claire’s blush as she finished buttoning up the last button for her. Clearing her throat Claire turned to face Jill who’s impassive expression revealed to her a smirk and a bit of mirth.

“Not the time for teasing! I know you both came here to tell me something.” Claire said getting straight to the point which noticeably weakened Jill’s mirth and smirk to a frown. 

Confusion rose in Claire who’s eyebrows drew up as Jill reached to move a loose strand of her hair although Claire knew this was something Jill often did to distract herself from something serious. 

Moving back into the couch where Chris was sitting Claire crossed her arms and she turned to look at him with expectation. He cracked as she had hoped and she waited tensely for the news when Jill spoke first. 

“We've got a tip on Oswell E. Spencer. B.S.A.A. has done months worth of recon and we’re ready to set out and get what information we can from this bastard.” 

Turning with surprise Claire immediately smiled. She reached to pat Chris on the shoulder. 

“If I’d trust anyone to get this asshole, it’d be the both of you.” Claire said but the odd shift in the air became apparent upon seeing the lack in celebration in her partner and brother’s eyes. 

“Jill?” Claire asked after a few seconds of silence and she paused when Jill rubbed one of her wrists. 

“I think he might lead us to Wesker and you know what that means.” Jill revealed and she appeared further agitated when silence fell again except it was Claire who was silent. Sensing the heavy tension falling through Chris went to stand but Claire’s glare kept him locked in an awkward up from the couch and yet he was still hovering in a crouching position. Deciding to sit back down the couch creaked from the weight. 

“No!” Claire protested walking to stand in front of her girlfriend who did not appear to be backing down.

“Claire we can’t just sit back and let this go.” Jill returned crossing her arms when Claire went to touch her side. Her fingers brushed against Jill’s black shirt before they fell back from her side to the air with her frustration.

“What if he fucking kills you both? That egomaniac is not human and you know the risks. I know he’s our mortal enemy and you both have every right to hate his guts but—what if—” Claire was impassioned in her speech and she grabbed at Jill’s arms in hopes of getting through to her. 

“My love, it won't come to that. We’re all risking our lives everyday for this cause, this isn’t any different.” Jill soothed in an attempt to calm her down. 

“Jill, this is different. This is Wesker, the asshole who ruined all of our lives? You’re telling me there isn’t a part of either of you that wants this fucker dead?” The rage simmered as if a candle light had blown out and Claire’s eyes widened upon the realization of what she had said. 

Seeing the brewing storm but being unable to prevent it from happening Claire blinked away tears at her rising fears when Jill removed her hands from her arms. 

“I want him dead more than anyone else on this planet but this is not just about revenge. I am not so blissfully unaware as to think seeking justice means letting my own emotions get the better of me.” 

Deflating after Jill’s reply, Claire swallowed thickly and the escaping tears hurt her to no end. 

“But you’re picking him over me.” She whispered darting off into their shared room before Jill could respond. 

Sighing Jill put her hands to her face knowing it would be hard to put this on Claire and although she knew Claire would come to understand, the burn in her chest caused Jill to turn away from where Claire had gone to the kitchen table in front of her. 

Slinking into it she ignored the sounds of Chris’s footsteps out of the room as she stared ahead deep in thought. 

The gap of time between their fight and resolution for it seemed to grow like the pit of dread in Jill’s stomach and she bit her lip when she did not see any sign of Claire coming out to talk to her. 

Blinking she pushed her tears with her thumb and she glanced with red eyes when Chris returned. His shadow formed over the table she was sitting at and it shrunk away as he moved to sit in front of her. 

“She’ll be fine, she just—” However, Jill shook her head in her attempts to silence him. 

“I-I don’t want to talk about it or what happened right now. I just want to work.” Jill said, her voice sounding standoffish and cold like a winter breeze. Raising a concerned brow Chris appeared to protest when Jill shoved the file in front of him and she pointed to an image. 

“If we let him get away then we lose our chance of finding Wesker. The mission is important and my head is in the game, is yours?” She said her eyebrows falling downward with her distress while Chris’s mouth formed a thin line. 

“Promise me you two will talk about it? Just listen to her? It’s all too much stress right now—Jill you don’t have to do this.” 

Glancing down to the teardrops that had long dried on the table under her, Jill sighed heavily. 

“Alright I will, of course—I just need some time okay? Can we go back to your place, I think we need our space right now.” Jill said, realizing she had been craving a smoke for several minutes now. The itch and need for relief only seemed to grow when they left as did the worry and hurt of the night because Claire was an important part of her life. To Jill, Claire was a part of her that she was not ready to let go of so easily.


	4. Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this seemed reasonable but an FYI this is the first time this has ever happened for them. They have had a largely happy relationship I promise you and this is just an extremely low point for them both. (Among well you know what happens to them in the games right?) You'll understand what I mean if you read the end of this (: Sometimes people hit a hard point in their relationship and things change. Sadly for Claire and Jill, they have been dealing with their individual and collective problems the wrong way. I hope you enjoy this rather short chapter and I am sorry for the long delay in posting!

Blinking her eyes open languidly Jill rose from the bed with the blanket crinkling with her movement. Swallowing felt uncomfortable and dry while lifting up felt difficult. The heaviness in her chest made her body hurt and yet it was as if her body was sympathizing with the pain she felt on the inside.

All too quickly Jill was reminded of the pain she felt after Raccoon City where she had broken a rib and collarbone, and had bruised the majority of her body. This searing hole in her chest however was unrelated to physical pain. Hoping to get the bad taste out of her mouth Jill dragged herself out of the bed before she made it to the kitchen. Lazily Jill grabbed a cup of coffee and she nursed it as she put her freehand to her face. 

“You look like you’ve been to hell and back.” Jill heard Chris say when he entered the kitchen, freshly shaved and dressed for the day while Jill looked the opposite in her saggy sweatpants, blue tank, and unruly hair. 

“Don’t say it.” Jill replied with her dark glare cutting through Chris like a knife. Knowing that he should dodge it for survival reasons he merely nodded his head as he reached for a mug next to the opening Jill had left. 

Sipping the coffee Jill leaned her body into Chris’ counter while she listened to the brewing pot beside her. She was aware he had already brewed some up this morning but Jill had taken the remnants of the first batch for herself. 

“You sure you need more?” Jill questioned as she finished her sip, her throat warming from the liquid as she glanced at her partner who was likely going for his third or fourth drink of coffee. 

Chris raised a brow while he filled up his cup, his expression showing that he was nonplussed by Jill’s comments this morning. Sighing Chris swallowed a sip before he slid beside her onto his counter island. 

“Believe it or not, when you two fight it sets me on edge. The way I see it, I think you should try talking to her sooner rather than later.” 

Surprised Jill nearly spat out her coffee but she managed to swallow it. Anger grew in her chest but it was a weak flame next to the burning dread and worry she had been feeling since she had woken up.

“You’re not a fucking couple’s counselor and I certainly did not hire you to be ours.” Jill grumbled as her hand tightened into a fist and yet Jill knew Chris was not fazed by her anger in the slightest. Trying to glance away Jill ran a hand through her messy hair and she sighed into her coffee mug when Chris set his hand onto her shoulder. 

“You know I did not mean it like that, but I do know a few things about you. You aren’t going to be focused if you’re worrying about Claire all weekend.” 

Sighing again Jill no longer appeared interested in her coffee and she set it down as she took in his words with an inhale of breath. 

Exhaling, Jill glanced at him and her mouth fell into a defeated frown. 

“I hate it when you’re right.” Jill remarked as she leaned further into the counter with her elbows. 

Chuckling Chris’s expression brightened as he squeezed her shoulder. 

“You just hate it when you’re wrong and besides you think you’re the first lesbian I needed to coach?” 

Shaking her head Jill punched his shoulder hard but he barely reacted since she had put about half as much force as she normally would. 

Regardless the boulder of a man could only smile when Jill left to go and get dressed. 

“Claire!” A voice shouted, taking the redhead away from her thoughts. Turning her head Claire was face to face with her boss Neil. Noticing the seriousness on his face she straightened up as she tucked her cell phone into her back pocket. 

“Yeah? I was just about to go home” Claire replied and she tucked a loose strand of her from her face as she waited for him to speak. The term uncomfortable would fit how she felt around him these days especially after that night at the bar. Not wanting to go back to that night she refocused on Neil, who’s demeanor let her know something was urgent. 

“How do you feel about visiting an orphanage?” Neil questioned catching her off guard. 

“Is something wrong? I thought you said everything was going well with the group sessions with the kids.” Claire said with growing concern as a pit of worry developed in her stomach. No joy made itself present on her boss’s face as he directed her towards the parking lot. 

“We always need to do check ups and I figured with your experience—” 

Claire nodded in understanding and she followed after him, sighing along the way upon not seeing any calls or messages. Apparently during their continued walk Neil had taken notice to Claire’s inattention. 

“Hey, if today’s not a good day, I can go get Pedro.” Neil said, surprisingly sympathetic in his tone as he took in the defeated expression on Claire’s face. Realizing quickly that she had zoned out on him speaking Claire bit her lip in slight frustration. 

“No, don't worry about it. This is part of the job.” Claire said, her eyebrows knitting downward when Neil chuckled. 

“I know it means more to you than that. Weren’t you the one sending in visitation requests these past few weeks? As far as I understand it, you’ve even made friends with one of the quieter kids.”

Claire’s mouth twitched upward a bit in response, “They remind me of Sherry and you’d be surprised what is underneath that scared exterior. None of them have anyone to look out for them—” She said her voice bordering sadness when Neil titled his head, his regular small smile present on his face when he looked at her. 

“Well lucky for them they’ve got a Redfield watching out for them. Most people I know forget about them as soon as they’re in the system.” 

“You don’t need to praise me for doing the right thing Neil.” Claire replied before she slipped into her own vehicle glad now that their conversation was over. Watching him drive out of the parking lot, Claire began to follow after him as her thoughts once again wandered. 

A smirk grew on her face that made her wonder if Jill had said something to him and she felt comforted by the idea of Jill’s idle threats sticking to him. His treatment of her had changed at least and she was content to not have to punch her own boss in the throat. There had been days where she had come close and she certainly did not need that on a resume as she checked into unemployment. 

“Serves you right.” Claire grumbled as she began to drive towards the orphanage. 

Several minutes later she arrived and she pulled in before she walked towards the entrance flashing her ID and going through the long process of explaining who she was. Taking in the broad sized orphanage named Angel Guardian Cross, she raked her eyes over the statue of an angel and her majestic wings when an instant flash of a rainy night entered her mind. A gate closing nearby caused Claire to stiffen and she clenched a hand into a fist upon seeing a colorful carpet across the main threshold. As Claire walked across the multicolored carpet she swallowed slowly when she noticed a blond girl run by to another playroom. 

“A few children from Terragrigia have been moved to this group.” She heard Neil murmur after a long moment. It was only the two of them within this room since it was after hours and a few workers dressed in white. Glancing past the various toys Claire looked up to Neil who appeared interested in a stuffed giraffe. 

Exhaling slowly Claire straightened up her red collared shirt as they waited for the man she had met at the entrance to come greet them. She was never certain as to why it took so long but she understood and appreciated that TerraSave took their interaction with the orphanages seriously. Perhaps they were not allowed much of a reach but at least they could see some of the kids.

“How old would they be now?” Claire questioned glancing away from Neil when a door opened nearby.

“Most of them are five or six years old now.” Neil replied and Claire turned from him completely when an adult with a group of six children walked in. The man appeared calm as he brought in the children some of which ran and scattered to play with the various toys in the room. 

Adopting a small smile Claire placed her hands on her legs as she watched a few of the children run around. 

“So young.” Claire remarked with a frown before the man walked over to introduce himself. Noticeably he appeared to be around Neil’s age and he looked to be familiar with her boss. Shaking his hand Claire turned her attention away as they continued to speak in hushed whispers. 

“Honestly. They’ve gone through experiences that very few adults have so it’s difficult to know the amount of progress we’re making. Some of them do not speak—” She heard Roger say to Neil when she noticed one of the girls was sitting off on her own. The dark haired girl stopped her in her place when she looked over to her. Claire smiled briefly but the girl did not return it as she slowly turned away. She had a red bear in a blue suit in her hands that she seemed to be especially fond and comforted by which Claire had noticed upon seeing the tight grip the girl had around it. 

A dread grew in Claire’s stomach upon the realization that these were children who’s entire families were likely gone. No one left to watch over or care for them. 

Continuing to watch Claire crossed her arms as Neil and Roger continued to converse about the children when she felt someone bump her leg. Glancing down Claire chuckled softly when a small hand tapped her leg again to get her attention. There below her stood a girl likely to be no more than 5 years old. Big hazel brown eyes greeted her and she leaned down when the girl giggled at her. 

“Who are you?” She asked and soon Claire noticed she was wearing a black and white polka dot dress and black boots. 

“I’m Claire, what’s your name?” Claire asked when a small lion was suddenly thrust into her face. 

“I’m Naya and this is Nala!” The girl named Naya announced before she took the lion away from Claire’s reach. 

“That’s a pretty name, and the Lion King huh?” Claire asked as she leaned down, her hand spreading on the colorful carpet underneath her. Naya upon watching Claire get down to her level smiled before she promptly plumped down onto the floor causing her small black dress to pool around her legs. The girl had long wavy brown hair and a small white bow on the side of her head that was slipping down the side of her hair. 

“Yes! That’s my favorite movie!” Naya said but suddenly the smile she had diminished when the girl Claire had spotted before passed by them. 

“I like Nala too.” Claire said, surprised when Naya handed the lion to her. 

“If you like her, you can have her.” Naya said and before she knew it the little girl ran off before she could say anything else. Squeezing the soft pet Claire moved to stand before she tried to follow after Naya but she was soon stopped by a boy who nearly ran into her. Stepping out of the way Claire blinked when she noticed that Naya had walked over to the girl that had seemed to like to play by herself in the corner of the room. Naya appeared to be animated in her speech as she talked to the slightly older girl but the quieter of the two seemed to be speaking few words. Raising a curious brow Claire went to return Nala to Naya but she was next stopped by Neil who grabbed her arm. 

“We need to cut this visit short. We’ll have to come see them again next week.” He remarked before he glanced confusedly at the lion in her grasp. 

“Simba?” He asked but Claire shook her head with a soft laugh. 

“No, this is a lioness, the one called Nala.” She said moving her arm from his grasp. 

“Can you tell your friend to give this back to the girl named Naya for me? There’s no way I am adding stealing a toy from a kid to my list of crimes.” 

“Sure thing, wouldn’t want to upset the Disney police.” Neil remarked earning an eye roll from Claire.

“And I thought Barry’s jokes were bad.” She whispered following Neil who had a small grin on his face as they left the room. 

Leaving the orphanage, thoughts of the children she had interaction with caused Claire to frown as she turned the wheel. She knew that a lot of time would need to be given to those children and she could only hope that the orphanage could handle it. It was not going to be easy but Claire hoped that what she did for Sherry would be enough for the other children. Nothing she could do would replace the loss of their parents. 

“No more deserve to suffer.” Claire remarked to herself as she continued on home. 

Tapping her fingers against the wheel upon stopping at a light she glanced away from the red light to her right side only for her gaze to fall onto one of the nearest bars. It certainly did not help Claire that there were bars everywhere in New York. 

Licking her lips Claire turned her head away and she blinked when she realized the light had already turned green. Pressing her foot against the gas pedal she accelerated away from the bar and from her racing thoughts. 

Getting lost in her mind was the last thing she needed to do. Knuckles whitening as Claire gripped her hands she sighed with relief when her apartment came into view. Every day and every night felt like a battle and yet distinctly Claire knew that was just the half of it. Blinking in surprise Claire felt her heart jump when she saw that Jill’s car was in their parking space. Sliding into the nearby spot Claire breathed through her nose when an uncertainty slipped through her. A part of her had been wanting to have this talk and yet the other was afraid of what her partner was going to say. Biting the bullet Claire groaned at herself for even being afraid of Jill for a minute. That would be hurtful to Jill if she found out and that was also the last thing she wanted to happen. Not talking to Jill had been killing her and that was something new for her too. 

Perhaps they were a little too used to being so close but this gap in communication seemed to be the spark to her figurative flame. Claire’s frown dipped since she was now aware that she had been allowing her own problems to overshadow Jill’s. This whole time she had been missing the signs that Jill was beginning to feel just as helpless as she was when she drank. Claire did not want the bottle to dominate their relationship anymore. 

A flicker of a lighter greeted her when she arrived at the door and Claire stopped and she felt her resolve drop upon noticing how dark it was within the apartment. 

Watching the smoke rise to the ceiling Claire gulped nervously as she moved to put her black jacket onto the nearest coat rack. 

“Hi Red.” She heard Jill say and shivers went through her spine at the old nickname. Jill usually addressed Claire as such when she was angry with her or peeved at most. It felt odd to her ears and it set up her nerves as she slid to turn on a lamp but Jill’s hand immediately intercepted her wrist. Swallowing thickly, the silence built up the tension she was feeling while she observed that Jill’s breathing and her own were the only other sounds in the room. 

“Jill.” Claire whispered as smoke invaded her senses since she was so close to her. A part of her wanted to be discouraged by Jill’s behavior and yet another side of her was just a little more happy when she picked up the scent of Jill’s cologne. It appeared that even if Jill was irritably smoking alone in the dark in their apartment she still felt the natural desire to press herself into Claire in greeting. 

Pressing her fingertips on Jill’s shoulders Claire managed a weak smile when Jill stepped forward and she revealed her face that had previously been hidden by the dark. The smile on Claire’s face soon left her face when she spotted the dark circles underneath her eyes. It did not look like Jill had been sleeping well at all and Claire understood it. 

“You don’t want me to see?” Claire questioned her warm lips pressing against the side of Jill’s face who she felt move away much to her disappointment. 

“Claire, I’m okay. I’m just pissed off.” Jill said as she moved to click on the lamp which illuminated the two of them and the rest of the room. Blinking as her eyes adjusted, Claire bit her lip as she moved her hands from Jill’s shoulders to fret with a thread in her jeans while Jill stared down at her. 

“At me? For what exactly?” Claire questioned but she winced upon realizing how stupid a question that was. She had expected fire to alight in Jill’s gaze but instead she was greeted with concern and obvious fatigue. 

Raising a brow at Claire, Jill crossed her arms and Claire attempted to keep her eyes from dropping to the floor since she suddenly felt out of her element. 

“For telling me to pick between you and Wesker.” Jill said and Claire continued to dart her gaze a bit before she found Jill’s eyes again. 

“You understand why I did that, don’t you?” Claire challenged wishing she could go back and time and tell herself to be quiet. 

Jill appeared to grit her teeth a little before she relaxed her stance a bit when Claire moved closer to her. It did not prevent Jill from pressing her cigarette to her lips at this moment which set Claire a little on edge. 

“You were trying to keep me home, but it did not work out the way you wanted.” Jill hissed out but a lot of the venom was non-existence as if she was more mad at someone else than she was at Claire. 

Claire felt her frustration grow when she lifted up her hands and yet she was unsure as to why these words were leaving her mouth in the first place. Perhaps it was the slightly frustrating day or the month but at this moment Claire’s agitation had resurfaced like it had the other night with every word she had planned to say the previous night going out the window. 

“Please don’t act like I am trying to ruin your reputation as hero here. I just dont want you to go.” Turning a bit Jill’s frown deepened when the cigarette left her mouth. Dipping the end of the orange light into an ashtray Jill let out a brief exhale. 

“Reputation as hero? What the hell Claire?” Jill asked, her voice a bit more irritated than Claire liked it to be. Sensing this Claire blinked rapidly as she tried a way to back out of where this conversation was going and yet she knew it was too late. It had started as soon as she had entered the apartment and she only hoped she would not screw things up anymore than she already has. 

“Just forget I said anything. I’ve just—I’ve said enough to you already.” Claire said as she pulled her hair out of it’s ponytail and she ran her fingers through it. 

“Claire, you need to stop holding back for me. I’m not a precious fragile flower and neither are you dammit.” Jill exclaimed with her hand finding its way above Claire’s head against the wall behind her. She had semi-trapped her and yet Jill had allowed Claire enough room to move away. Swallowing with slight surprise at Jill’s aggression, Claire set her head back into the wall causing her red hair to slide from her shoulders to the wall. 

“I never said you were fragile. I just don’t want to hurt you with my mistakes anymore!” Claire replied her voice edging to tears at this point as she neared the release of actual tears at the apex of the growing tension between them. Jill’s anger shifted to regret at this moment and Claire felt her stomach grow hot with heat and guilt. Water misted for a moment in Jill’s eyes before she sharpened her gaze as she lifted one of her hands up to Claire’s face and yet she had refrained from actually touching her. 

“You can’t protect me from it, anymore than I can protect you from it. I can’t stop this pain for you as much as I want too—I can’t make any of this better. I can’t.” Jill whispered her voice dipping into melancholy that surprised Claire greatly. Hearing this in her voice felt like an arrow to the heart and Claire for the first time in years could not find the words. 

“I’m not trying to fix you and I'm not trying to say you need to be a different person because I love who you are—” Jill continued to say as she shifted away, “But we have to do something different or this cycle will destroy the both of us. Even Chris can see it.” 

“What are you suggesting we do?” Claire asked her eyes wide when Jill moved over to the center of the room near the couch. She eyed the form of Jill’s shadow and her jumble of feelings caused her thoughts to race and jump to unfounded and fearful conclusions. 

“All healthy couples do this and we won’t be any different.” Jill said her voice closer to tears than Claire had expected and it caused dread to form in her chest, the shift in direction throwing her off the path. 

“You’re being cryptic Jill. Please just tell me.” Claire gasped as she bit back tears with her teeth, her bottom lip close to bleeding if she were to bite it any harder. 

“We need to take a break.”


End file.
